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Joke of the Day

"Asked my 65yo mom what she'd like for Christmas and she said ""Surprise me"". Hope she likes her new pet python."

"Selfies? In my day we stared in a mirror and then felt ashamed."

"How do you contact dead window cleaners? Use a squeegee board."

"bloke in the pub The other night, this bloke in the pub was telling me he was a big star in the 80's with a song called ""stand and deliver"". I didn't believe a word he said, but he was adamant"

"Why do they keep making TVs thinner and thinner? To keep up with the content."

"It's actually pretty impressive how many poor decisions I can fit in a day."

"Q: What did the sink say to the water faucet? A: You're a real drip."

"LPT before weighing yourself, take a poop... You'll weigh a shit load less."

"What is a dental hygienist's favorite subject? Flossophy."

"Have you guys heard of the new ska/dubstep band? first they drop the bass. then they pickitup-pickitup-pickitup!"