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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Bernie Sanders and a free lunch? Bernie Sanders exists."

"""The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"""

"Had a talk with 12. M: Do you know what a period is? 12: Yes, mom, it's the dot at the end of the sentence. M: ... 12: ... M: Good talk"

"Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted."

"Whats the difference between a USB and the USA? One has standards."

"I am a man with convictions. Mostly because I have a really terrible lawyer."

"A man was meeting a girlfriend somewhere... And she said: ""is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"" He replied: ""Either way, we're having sex tonight"""

"Roses are red, violets are blue. Pornhub is down, your Facebook will do."

"When I see your face, there's not a thing I would change .... except the direction I'm walking in."

"What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear"