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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a black guy who flies a plane? a PILOT, you fucking racist!"

"'I'm really excited about the Pixar cowboy figure I got for my birthday.' 'Woody?' 'Not quite that excited.'"

"My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer."

"Did they ever identify that unknown female deer crime victim? You mean Jane Doe?"

"Kim Jong-un read War and Peace in a day. At least I think that's why they call him Supreme Reader."

"Why don't all Libertarian candidates have dwarfism? I thought Libertarians believed in small government."

"I was walking across the park... ...when I noticed a ball in the air getting bigger. ""That's odd"", I thought, ""how is it doing that?"" Then it hit me..."

"There Once Was A Poet Named Bates His poems weren't always first rate, His first lines weren't bad, but the problem he had, Was that he always tried to put too many syllables into the last line."

"Why don't Pirates get invited to Birthday parties? Because they always steal doubloons"

"One from my 7yo God daughter: why can't Elsa hold on to her balloon? Because she keeps letting it go!"