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Joke of the Day

"I've said it before, I'll say it again. It."

"DISH FATHER: You can NEVER see that spoon again! *daughter dish starts sobbing* [outside the window, Spoon is thinking] we leave tonight"

"Have I ever steered you wrong? *flashback to you at zoo in bear suit Me: They wont attack if ur dressed like one of them, now go get my ball"

"I just shot my first turkey today! I don't think they are going to let me back into that store again."

"Hard to take women with false eyelashes seriously. It's like watching two tarantulas scream for attention."

"Magic Johnson is one positive individual."

"Dark humor is a lot like cancer Grown ups mainly get it but sometimes kids get it too."

"They say a woman knows after 7 seconds whether or not she wants to have sex... Good thing I only last 5."

"Why couldn't the NSA agent leave his house this Winter? He was Snowden."

"What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl? ""Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy"""