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Joke of the Day

"FREE HOROSCOPE: You look terrible today. Avoid stuff and people. Don't buy a Kindle. Also, brush your teeth more often."

"Your honor I object! That other lawyer is saying stuff that makes my client look guilty"

"I'm one more weekend on the couch away from being a throw pillow."

"I find it quite sexy to see cum dribbling out of a girl's vagina. But not if I've just taken off her knickers."

"Man! It's raining cats and dogs out there! *MEEEW* SPLAT! *AARFF* SPLAT! Did I close my sunroof? SON OF BITCH!"

"Why don't native Americans like snow? Because it's white and all over their land."

"Mexican Magician There was a Mexican Magician standing on the stage. He said, ""On the count of three, I will make myself disappear!"" ""Uno!"" ""Dos!"" POOF! He disappeared without a tres!"

"how do you mathematically describe the tempo of global warming? Al Gore Rhythm"

"AC changed bail to basil, and now I'm sitting in jail with some lovely herbs."

"Brokeback Mountain pretty much ruined camping as a male bonding activity for straight guys."