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Joke of the Day

"If there is a difference between a minor inconvenience and the end of the fucking world, you'd never know if from my histrionics."

"Me: in a parallel world I am a huge success Medic: please stop moving your arm so we can get it out of the vending machine"

"What's worse? Receiving a text from your girlfriend saying that you're breaking up or receiving a second text after saying that it was supposed to be for someone else?"

"Why did the chicken say, ""Meow, oink, bow-wow, moo?"" He was studying foreign languages."

"A vegan, a gap year student and a girl with a boyfriend walk into a bar Who tells you first?"

"God: Basically u just chill. Cow: Nice. God: I mean, at first. Cow: ...then? God: Then people murder u to eat ur insides & wear u as a coat."

"My local newspaper was holding a contest... For the best puns last week so I submitted ten, sure that at least one would win a prize, but no pun in ten did."

"Q. Where did Capt. Hook buy his prosthesis? A. At a secondhand store."

"What's the fastest animal in the world? A chicken crossing Ethiopia. What's the second fastest animal? ... The ethiopian chasing it."

"Perfection ""Practice makes perfect"" ""Nobody's perfect"" I'm so confused"