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Joke of the Day

"I'm convinced that this trip to Toronto will end with my being arrested for not being nice enough."

"What happened to the cold jellyfish ? It set !"

"""Susan, will you marry me?"" ""Oh yes Johnny, yes! Yes!"" Ten grand later and it's still the best prank I ever pulled on my twin brother."

"What does a sailor use to clean his clothes? Tide"

"How did Dairy Queen get pregnant? Burger King forgot to wrap his Whopper."

"4-year-old: I put my Barbie in the tanning bed. Me: You don't have a Barbie tanning bed. 4: Me: *sprints to the toaster*"

"Fire engines are painted red for camouflage, so they can sneak up on fires without being noticed"

"How many male chauvinist pigs does it take to change a light bulb? None. ""Change that bulb, bitch. Then make me a sandwich and bring me a cold beer."""

"If there was award for laziness... . I would send someone else to get it."

"Why did the chicken? Q: Why did the chicken cross the road naked? A: Because chickens don't wear clothes."