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Joke of the Day

"I'll always remember what my uncle said before he passed on up... ""Flying houses? Talking dogs? That movie looks dumb."""

"What I've learned from twitter is that if I tell a joke to 1,300 people, at least 2 will laugh."

"These dishwashers are getting too expensive my new one even demands a diamond ring"

"THAT SH!T CRAY You can not underestimate the power of linguistic tracks. KANYE in my language means - go to shit."

"Maybe mama duck isn't leading her babies, maybe she's trying to outrun them."

"2 little kids, Billy and Tom, are goofing around in a cannibal village. Billys mum sticks her head out and yells... ""Billy, stop playing with your food!"""

"I had a one night stand yesterday..but then today I decided to return it to ikea"

"Why doesn't Michael Jackson play chess? Because he's dead."

"My superpower is predicting the exact day I'll need something that sat idle in a drawer for months so I can throw it away the day before."

"Hey Mark, do you want a threesome? So go home fast. Perhaps you arrive on time."