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Joke of the Day

"Held the door open for a japenese women today she said ""sank you"" I replied ""we blew you up"" She hit me with her walking stick... Apparently she meant thank you Edit: grammar mistake"

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"What does the H. in Jesus H. Christ stand for? Hallmark. God cares enough to send the very best."
"What do you call a teacher that doesn't fart in public? a private tooter."
"Most Offensive Jokes You've Ever Heard Dark/black humor, abortion jokes, dead baby jokes, show me your worst reddit. I'll start. What's better than winning gold in the Paralympics? - Walking"
"Me: Janet's boyfriend reminds me of Gandhi Wife: He looks nothing like him Janet's bf: [tapping on car window] Don't forget about Gandhi"
"How much does a Rabbi charge for circumcision? Nothing. He just keeps the tips."
"Scientists have discovered a drug that can increase a woman's libido 100%. yeah. Its called jewelry."
"In Canada, a drive by shooting is just a guy using finger guns while winking at a chick he has no chance with."
"So I bought this cheap brand of toilet paper... They called it velvet soft. It should have been called James Bond 007. Because every time after I use it, I lift my hand up and I've got a GoldFinger."
"I bought a new sex doll... it's so realistic she doesn't wanna have sex with me."