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Joke of the Day

"What does the H. in Jesus H. Christ stand for? Hallmark. God cares enough to send the very best."

"What do cats love to read. catalogs"

"I do a spot-on impression of a man in his 30's not living up to his full potential."

"Just accidentally used ""then"" instead of ""than"" and now I know what it feels like to be imperfect! Weird!"

"I'm so incapable of accepting a compliment that I've started just flat out refusing them. Them: You look lovely today. Me: No thank you."

"What kind of bee produces milk? A BOOBEE!"

"What do you get if you put 5 lesbians and 5 politicians in the same room? 10 people who don't do dick."

"I shall play you the song of my people *stomach growls*"

"Find out if the NSA is listening to your call by singing SWEET CAROLINE and if more than one voice responds with bum bum bum THEN YOU KNOW"

"JUDY: What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus? MIKE: We'll have a boo Christmas without you."