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Joke of the Day

"Every time i tell people i want to be a comedian they laugh. See, im that good!!"

"What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common? I don't care if she has one or not."

"Why can't you eat soup in the Matrix... Because there is no spoon...."

"They should bring lacrosse to the X Games... It would be a great opportunity to advertise ex-lax"

"I can point out chicks who say ""vokka"" and ""liberry"" instead of ""vodka"" and ""library"" based on the use of emoticons in their screen name."

"I was raised by my father.. He's schizophrenic but he's good people."

"I bet coke addicts only get worse once they try the cherry kind."

"Wife: He's your son! Me: So you say! But I don't... *Kid dances across the room to the Benny Hill theme song* Me: ...ok fine he's my son."

"What's green and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger"

"A judge in Oklahoma City wed a couple and then sentenced the groom to prison. That sounds redundant to me."