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Joke of the Day

"I wish I could see the look of surprise and wonder on my son's face when he opens his lunchbox full of tampons today. Payback for talkback."

"What's the fastest way to get to a woman's heart? A knife."

"What has 50 legs but can't walk? Half a centipede."

"He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know. Shut up, is basically what I'm saying."

"How many Dornishmen does it take to shoe a horse? Nine. One to do the shoeing, and eight to lift up the horse!"

"When something falls in your mouth by accident and you eat it, it's a snaccident."

"*puts finger over your lips* Shhhhhhhhhhhhh *feeds you more applesauce making airplane noises*"

"Why wasn't the vampire working? He was on his coffin break."

"How do you know a introvert likes you... He stares at your shoes instead of his."

"What idiot named them twins instead of wombmates?"