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Joke of the Day

"Why is a duck-billed platypus called a duck-billed platypus? Because fucked up duck-beaver lookin thing doesn't sound scientific enough."

"I'd tell you a cow joke... But it would be UTTERly horrible."

"Fairy tales My granddaughter asked me, ""Do all fairy tales begin with ""Once upon a time?"" I said, no, some begin with ""If elected, I promise to........................"""

"My wife... It's difficult to say what she does... She sells seashells on the seashore."

"What kinda psychopath tries to get in touch with someone by calling them on the phone. What is this...1984?"

"I asked my girlfriend why she always laughs after sex She says, it's an inside joke."

"Say what you want about Edward Scissorhands... but I think he's a pretty sharp guy."

"What do an alcoholic and a necrophiliac have in common? They both like to pop open a nice cold one."

"What's the difference between a pig and a ham sandwich? You can get a prosecutor to indict the ham sandwich."

"I'm thinking of investing in a start-up company that produces religious icons. I guess you could say that I'm engaging in idol speculation."