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Joke of the Day

"I have decided to write all my jokes in capitals from now on. This one was written in London."

"i am developing a ground brekaing new app called ""MOneyWallet"", where you earn ""Money Points"" by mailing cash to my house"

"Mummy joke Did you know mummies fart alike? I guess you could say they Tutankhamun."

"It was when I stabbed a Capri Sun perfectly the first time, right in that grey circle, that I knew I wanted to be an assassin."

"I once had sex with a mermaid I am pretty sure at least. It was dark and she smelled fishy down there."

"[cops showing wife my body] ""Why is he 50m from where he got shot?"" ""Our best guess was he tried crawling home to clear his browser history"""

"A nice one (maybe repost) I don't smoke, I don't drink, I never swear and - Oh shit my cigaette fell into my beer!"

"What do you call a dog who digs for bones? A Bark-aeologist"

"I saw a sign that said, watch for children. I thought to myself... Thats a fair trade. - Demetri Martin."

"How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it!"