120787

Joke of the Day

"Every morning when the alarm goes off, I wake up & say ""it's time to chase my dreams!"" & then I press the snooze button & go back to sleep."

"What if soy milk... ...is just regular milk introducing itself in Spanish?"

"Why do hurricanes have women name? Because they take away your house, your car, your furniture and everything you have."

"What does a parliamentarian say when they're done masturbating? ""Beating adjourned."""

"english words that pitbull knows: -party -miami"

"I wonder if caterpillars know they're gonna fly some day or they just start building a cocoon and are like 'why am I doing this'."

"In any kind of relationship...you learn more about someone at the end of that relationship than at the beginning......"

"What do you say to your floating TV at midnight? PUT IT DOWN, NIGGER!"

"What did Sean Connery say when a book from his cupboard fell on him? I can only blame my shelf. Shout out to /r/shubreddit"

"Not sure what to watch tonight.... American Horror Story on FX or the one on ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox, CNN, CNBC and MSNBC."