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Joke of the Day

"Of all the lies I tell, ""I was just kidding!"" is my favorite."

"England 1 - 2 Iceland Credits to Iceland though, can't take that away."

"I'm pretty sick right now. You could say I'm feeling like Charles Lindbergh... Because I got the flu"

"Why don't hipsters shoot heroin? It's too mainstream"

"Teacher : Billy please don't whistle while studying. Billy : Oh but I'm not studying - just whistling !"

"Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies."

"A man goes to the library and asks for their best book on suicide! Librarian says ""Oh, we are out of copies on that. People who take it never returns it"""

"So two muffins are in an oven... One muffin turns to the other and says, ""Boy! It is getting hot in here!"" The other muffin replies, ""WE ARE GOING TO DIE IN HERE AND NO ONE WILL HEAR US SCREAM"""

"[class trip] I'm farmer Joe, this is my farm DO U HAVE COWS? Yes, it's a dairy farm DO U HAVE WHALES? Kid, why wouldn't we have whales?"

"A teen walks into a girl scout meeting. They're learning how to tie different types of knots. The girl says ""Can I join you?"" They reply ""Can you knot?"""