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Joke of the Day

"My cat tried to knock over my TV this morning. WHY ARE MY BEST FRIENDS FIGHTING?!"

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? Can't jelly my dick in your ass"

"What did the bread say after its massage? Ahh, I kneaded that."

"Seasonal Star Wars joke > **Darth Vader**: Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas. > **Luke**: How? > **Darth Vader**: I felt your presents. EDIT: Formatting"

"My girlfriend broke up with me. She said ""I'm sorry, but you're just too immature."" I looked her dead in the face and said ""Get the fuck outa my treehouse!"""

"What color was the Dallas shooters eyes? Blue. One blue this way and one blue that way."

"Everybody has their own circle of friends. Yet the police still want to refer to mine as a ring'."

"A couple years ago my therapist told me I had problems letting go of the past."

"Why did the spreadsheets get divorced? They just couldn't sort things out."

"Why do men name their penises? Because they don't like the idea of a stranger making 90% of their decisions."