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Joke of the Day

"The secrets of the baking industry are given out only on a knead to dough basis."

"I wish people would move over a bit in their selfies. We're redecorating a bathroom and looking for ideas."

"Why are flowering plants such good test takers? Because they have all of the anthers!"

"Apparently there are midget prostitutes in Thailand who cost less than a dollar. Clearly they're selling themselves short."

"Last month I lost my camouflage hat... I'm not sure how I should feel about this"

"a squirrel buries a nut in my backyard. I think im going to dig it up & replace it with a grilled cheese sandwich, blow its freaking mind!"

"What do you call it when the new US president waves his hand? A microwave."

"I never realized how overweight my thumbs were until I tried typing on an iPhone."

"Did you hear how the scarecrow got his promotion?"

"Reading the three bears to the boys and six says,""Goldilocks slept in every bed!"" ""Son.That's the meaning of life. Only date brunettes"""