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Joke of the Day

"If you're going to boast non stop about your pregnancy at least give birth to something fun like a puppy, a bouncy castle or a bag of weed."

"What the person on the street corner approaching me w a pamphlet doesn't understand is I want the world to end"

"What's the difference between an immigrant & a book? One of them has papers."

"And the Lord said unto John ""come forth and receive eternal life."" But John came fifth and got a toaster."

"Why did the hipster where a toque in the summer? So he could say he wore it before it was cool."

"My Mexican friend was freaking out, but I couldn't understand his panic."

"It's sad when your closest friends get remarried and you know it'll be another 2-5 years before they're single and ready to hang out again."

"In an effort to improve customer service, Best Buy will now punch each customer in the face as they walk through the door."

"How many guys in the Friendzone does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just stand around complimenting it then get pissed when it doesn't screw."

"How do you tell if someone's an introvert? Don't worry, they'll tell you."