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Joke of the Day

"Why did the oil covered seagull get sued? There can only be one goo gull"

"Kanye West was found alive in his apartment today. Another sad day for the music industry in 2016."

"I was really upset when I lost my paper towels I was SO upset that they had gone missing that I had to hire a BOUNTY hunter *ba dum tss*"

"I was feeling down the other day, so I threw some bleach over my Muslim friend... I thought it'd lighten Mahmood."

"Through a telescope, I see a woman on a planet light years away. She waves. I wave. I awkwardly realize she is waving to the guy behind me."

"If Hooters had delivery, would they be called knockers?"

"Me: You can't arrest me. I have to run a marathon today. Cop: Stop playing the race card."

"A friend asked me if every sentence has to include a vegetable I said not nessacelery"

"Did you guys read the book about the midget that hung himself with a belt? I heard it was top notch"

"I saw Donald Trump walk by Natalie Portman and Ben Stiller without stopping... Turns out he really doesn't recognize Jewish Stars."