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Joke of the Day
"What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Punch her in the face."
Next Joke
"I used to work for Goodyear, but I had to quit... I got too tired."
"Dentist: have you been flossing? [ flashback to me picking steak out of my teeth with a potato chip earlier ] Me: yes"
"A woman goes into a doctor's with a bit of lettuce sticking out the top of her panties. Doctor: Oh, that looks nasty. Woman: That's just the tip of the iceberg doctor."
"What does Game of Thrones have in common with The Sixth Sense? Icy Dead People"
"Me: I HAD A VISION! I was a GARDEN GNOME & I was ridding a FLAMINGO & the FAIRIES sprinkled cocaine on me & I FLIED!! My Therapist: ....."
"Before gaydar, it is widely suspected that gay men found each other using a cumpass."
"Want to know why? Or do you want to know z?"
"You're too drunk, dear. Alcohol you later."
"Why is it so expensive to divorce a woman here in California? Because it's worth it."