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Joke of the Day

"Just called the bank for my account info and a voice whispered 'If you break the pack in half, Ramen noodles can last you two days.'"

"What connects The Sixth Sense and Titanic? Icy dead people."

"Knock knock Who's there A gorgon. A gorgon who? 420 gaze it. Geddit. Because then you'd be stoned? Okay, sorry I'll leave."

"What's the difference between period blood and sand? You can't gurgle sand."

"[stranded on Mars journal] day 1: rob and I have enough oatmeal to last us 300 days day 2: I ate rob"

"What do you call a married knot? Monotonous. Bonus answer from my wife: a noose."

"Melissa McCarthy has been diagnosed with an aggressive flesh eating virus They've given her only 14 years to live, if untreated."

"Why was Jesus a virgin when he died? Every time he touched a ""wound"" it closed."

"The year is 2087. Selfies are the new currency now and that annoying girl you went to high school with is the richest person in the world."

"As Winston Churchill once said, ""Wait a minute -- I never said this."""