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Joke of the Day
"Me: What the hell do you want? Him: Um, YOU called ME."
Next Joke
"Oh look, it's raining outside. I think I'll go on Facebook and update all my friends that don't have a window of their own."
"I'd be calmer defusing a bomb after four Red Bulls than watching someone else use my laptop."
"Who was the nose's favorite Christian mystic? Nostrildamus"
"Why did the introvert polish his shoes regularly? So he could look at others' faces."
"What's the difference between karate and judo? Karate is a method of self defense and judo is what bagels are made of."
"CarefulWhere's your shoesPlease stop cryingMaybe eat somethingYou dropped the bottle- things you say to babies & drunks."
"Socks and sandals are like condoms There is almost no chance of getting a girl pregnant"
"Saw a man waiting for the bus who just stood there staring into the distance. It was as if he just didn't own a phone or something. Weird."
"I wanted to smoke a joint at the Mexican border... I wonder why everyone ran away when I asked for papers"