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Joke of the Day

"CarefulWhere's your shoesPlease stop cryingMaybe eat somethingYou dropped the bottle- things you say to babies & drunks."

"Viagra now comes in a nasal spray. It's for dick heads."

"What should you do if you see a spaceman? Park in it, man."

"""Did anyone else's house get burglarized and have horrible music put on all their devices..........oh U2?"""

"What's worse than finding a dead monkey on your piano? Finding a diseased beaver on your organ."

"I bet the only thing more stressful than defusing a bomb is letting your husband pack for a big trip."

"Why didn't Helen Keller scream when she fell off the cliff? She was wearing mittens"

"Judge:You are sentenced to death. Judge: You'll be hung. Wife from down the back: HE'S ALREADY HUNG! Me: Your Honor please uncuff me so I can high five my wife."

"What's black and eats banana's? Apparently half of London"

"""Dad, we need to talk."" ""Alright."" He grabs a chair and sits. ""Dad, you-"" He grabs yet another chair. ""DAMMIT DAD YOU'RE ADDICTED TO CHAIRS"""