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Joke of the Day

"A recent survey shows... A recent survey shows that nine out of ten people masturbate in the shower. Do you know what the tenth does? No? I guess you're one of the nine then."

"What did the valley girl say when her pen ran out of ink? I LITERALLY CAN'T EVEN WRITE NOW"

"Being calm is not something I rate."

"Hire a hitman is apparently not the correct answer to ""what would you do if you won the lottery"""

"Hell hath no fury like a white woman emailing Target after a bad shopping experience."

"Why did Monica Lewinsky vote Republican? Because Democrat left a bad taste in her mouth!"

"I've lost 10 pounds! Well, I subtracted five for PMS. That Q-Tip I was holding must be at least a pound. Plus my hair was wet. Go, me!"

"nothing sucks more than someone ignoring your texts i mean maybe like getting stabbed to death but that's not much worse"

"Why is it best to ask photographers personal questions at night? (X-post r/photography) Because they open up when it gets dark."

"What does a donkey say? It says ""Hey Shrek, whats up?"" (I was 9 when i made this okay)"