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Joke of the Day

"What did the lesbian vampire say to the other? See you next month!"

"I exercise religiously. I was on the treadmill earlier praying that it would stop."

"What do you call a broken can opener? A can't opener"

"The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller."

"INSTRUCTIONS FOR FITTED SHEETS: 1) Know when to hold em. 2) Know when to fold em. 3) Know when to walk away. 4) Know when to run."

"What's one definite outcome from a Drumpf Presidency? Four more years of great South Park!"

"Where does the General keep his armies? In his sleevies"

"Thought up this joke the other day What's the difference between a deaf dog and a one night stand? The one never comes when he's called and the other never calls after he comes."

"If you wake up tomorrow with Santa jacking off at your bedside, do not be alarmed. He is giving you a white Christmas"

"Do you know why it's called the Holy Land? Because it's full of bullet holes."