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Joke of the Day

"Where does the General keep his armies? In his sleevies"

"A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside."

"""Life isn't fair!"" is an ironclad excuse for treating people like crap."

"Apple just released a brand new programming language, *Swift*. Job recruiters everywhere immediately started posting ads for Swift programmers with 5 years of experience."

"(If you can't guess the obvious punch line, be warned its messed up) ....What's the best part of having sex with twentynine year olds!?... There's 20 of them"

"If I committed suicide, I'd do it in front of a mirror... I'll see myself out."

"TIL it's impossible to stick your tongue out and look up at the same time That's right get it in there"

"I often think if I'd taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now."

"Why was the guitarist arrested? Because he was fingering A minor..."

"Wanted to write a funny chemistry joke... all the good ones Argon."