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Joke of the Day

"You don't' have to be upset, if nobody notices you You'd make a decent sniper!"

"Out of? Mom (about her son): Look at these marks Jim has scored... 8.. 10... 7.. Dad: Out of? Mom: Out of pity!"

"What did a lemon with a lisp say to the juicer? Thtop taking the pith out of me!"

"How does NASA organise a party? They Planet."

"Remember ladies. It goes from Twitter to Kik to Voxer to cell phone number to address to being dismembered in a motel bathtub."

"Michaelangelo: Yea, sure, I'll paint your ceiling. *To himself* Errybody gon be naked tho."

"Credit cards are VERY dangerous. Every time I try to use one somebody starts chasing me with scissors."

"The best birth control Put a rock in your shoe, it'll make ya limp"

"Roommate and I got our first electric bill and long story short we're now Amish"

"""Do you ever get the feeling Mitch is an undercover cop?"" [MITCH enters] MITCH: Hey guys! *speaking into shirt collar* I brought the drugs"