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Joke of the Day

"How to sleep: 1. Lay down 2. Dim lights 3. Dwell about literally every mistake you've made in your life for 6 hours 4. Rest for 9 minutes"

"Jan 1st, 2017: I'm finally going to start learning guitar. haha only kidding I'll probably just ride out my current interests until I die."

"Until you lean in to hear a seven-year-old's whisper, you don't realize that front teeth act as a retaining wall for spit."

"What's black and eats banana's? Apparently half of London"

"I just read that Disney is making a sequel to Bambi. He gets revenge on the hunters that killed his mother. They're calling it....... Bambo"

"What do you call an armadillo at a fashion show? A roll model"

"HR: Did you tell Brenda she was stupid? Me: Oh god no! I said she is stupid. HR... Me: There's no past tense with that one."

"Honey, am I fat? Of course not! You just interact a bit more with the Higgs field."

"What would you call a 50 cent concert featuring Nickelback? The 45 cent show"

"What happens when a neckbeard takes drugs? They start tipping balls."