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Joke of the Day

"I tried to propose to my girlfriend from Thailand today but it went wrong. As soon as i got down on one knee she started undoing her skirt"

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Mortal Kombat Barbie ...includes more blood than you can even imagine"

"Dear Abby, I want to run over my neighbor with my SUV. How can I do that without raising my insurance rates?"

"You got me... If I asked you to have sex with me, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one?"

"In Soviet Russia, Turkey shoots you."

"What's the similarity between Hellen Keller and a sad pirate? Neither of them got to sea!"

"*interrupts friends* ""u gotta hear this tweet..Ok.."" *realizes tweet starts with 'action asterisks' & doesnt know how to read that out loud*"

"I guess FIFA had to pee cause they couldn't hold their Blatter anymore."

"Well, Lester Holt definitely lost that debate."

"[Worm sitting alone] WAITER: Dinner for 1? Dumb question W: But- *worm cuts self in half* *waiter shrieks* 2nd WORM: I'll have the prime rib"