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Joke of the Day

"You got me... If I asked you to have sex with me, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one?"

"Manners matter. Good looks are a bonus. Humor is a must."

"What do you call mixing hard liquor into coffee? Getting ready for work"

"What's the difference between a Lentil and a Chickpea? I wouldn't pay $200 to have a Lentil on my face."

"How can you always break even at the casino? Play the change machines."

"WIFE: He's just so distant lately ME [skywriting]: U N T R U E"

"What's the difference between a beer and a down syndrome kid? If you end up with a badly poured beer you can blow it's head off."

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot."

"What do you call an aardvark in a frying pan? A lardvark!"

"My first act as ruler of the universe would be changing the week to: Sunday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday."