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Joke of the Day

"Oh sweet embrace of morning, envelope me in your welcoming arms & brightly shine on this glorious GODDAMMIT! WHO DIDN'T FLUSH THE TOILET?!"

"I was going to get a cheap circumcision but I realized it was a rip off."

"Me: How did Bruce and Alfred build the Batcave all by themselves? The Lord: I meant any questions about the mysteries of existence"

"Accidentally got in the 10 items or less line with 11 items again, so I made two separate transactions so I wouldn't piss anyone off."

"Q: How did bulldogs get such flat noses? - A: From chasing cars."

"My friends won't get margaritas with me anymore because I get drunk & start saying everything is ""mexillent""."

"Dr. Who knock knock joke Knock knock Who is it? **Doctor.** Doctor who? **YES**"

"Why do tennis players never get married? Because Love means nothing to them."

"I have no idea how the cavemen could afford to eat paleo."

"I hate it when I'm trying to take a selfie and somebody calls my camera."