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Joke of the Day

"My friends won't get margaritas with me anymore because I get drunk & start saying everything is ""mexillent""."

"Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? The pizza doesn't scream when it's being shoved into an oven"

"You learn something new everyday Unless you go to faith school"

"This wrinkle cream made my balls look like some weird balloon animal."

"I want to give a shout out to liver thanks buddy for keeping all those bad influences out of my life"

"My FedEx guy knocks on the door like his son is dying and I'm the town doctor."

"FARMER: can I help you, sir? ME: this ain't my first rodeo, buddy FARMER: [narrows eyes] ME: ok maybe it is [climbs off sheep]"

"Why was everyone mad after the annual animal race? Because the winner was a cheetah"

"Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one - but the guitarist has to show him first."

"When Ariel the mermaid gives a blowjob to Prince Eric... is that Fellate Of Fish?"