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Joke of the Day

"Sex is like listening to the Beatles Your parents do it and it somehow doesn't make it less cool. Shout out to CH, because I heard it here."

"January 1: GONNA WORK OUT EVERYDAY January 2: [works out] Jan 3: [kind of works out] Jan 4: [too busy to work out] Jan 5: VANITY IS BULLSHIT"

"My girlfriend walked up and said she is expecting... me to lose weight."

"You know how birds fly in a v formation? Do you know why one side is longer than the other? It is because that side has more birds."

"Don't lie, steal, or cheat... The government hates competition."

"How do they make bras for octopi? With suction cups."

"What does an iPhone 7 and The Titanic have in common? The end has no Jack."

"New surveys show: Surveys show that Google plus is gaining rapid popularity among today's teens."

"Dad is obsessive compulsive about his vinyl and owns every single Beatles record except for one.. I think he needs Help."

"Me: ""Can I put this sweatshirt in the dryer?"" Wife: ""Well, what does it say on it?"" Me: ""Buffalo Sabres."" Wife: ""You're an idiot"""