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Joke of the Day

"Donald Trump's tweets are actually really entertaining if you imagine him tweeting from a gold toilet while having violent diarrhea."

"How to sink a submarine with 10 blondes in it? You knock on the door."

"It doesn't matter if it's fight club or book club or some other kind of club, I guarantee I don't want to talk about it."

"I also wanted to post a hydraulic press video... ... but your mom was busy."

"Plastic Surgeon Did you hear about the plastic surgeon who hung himself?"

"You can tell a lot about a person just by noticing how they continue to talk after you've sighed six or seven times."

"A baby seal walked into a club... =)"

"What's brown and sticky? My poster of Beyonce."

"*judge bangs gavel* Ok let's reconvene after a quick 20 min recess *immediately knocks over defense attorney to get to the slide first*"

"Look UPS chick, you can't just show up at someone's house unannounced and expect them to always have their pants on, and not to be covered in Baby Oil!!"