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Joke of the Day

"What will be the most useless invention? A waterproof teabag"

"It's a good thing George R.R. Martin has a Twitter... If there's one thing he can do, it's wasting 140 characters at once. ^^I'll ^^show ^^myself ^^out"

"I decided to have that fifth cup of coffee, and now the ghosts of my ancestors are scrolling through my iTunes trying to pick a summer jam."

"Just realized I only had one meal today. One, thirteen-hour meal."

"How do you find out what's in an e-cigarette? Just ask someone not to smoke it next to you."

"Edited from my mistake earlier today: what do paedophiles and napalm have in common? They can both strip a Vietnamese orphan in under 30 seconds."

"I need a new job. One where I'm always running out the door with my arms flailing and holding a jar screaming ""I GOTTA GET THIS TO THE LAB!"""

"What part of a hospital does an abortion patient avoid? The right wing"

"What is small furry and brilliant at sword fights ? A mouseketeer !"

"whats that detective, the serial killer is in the mall? i'll hack into their security cameras real fast [types ""job openings"" into google]"