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Joke of the Day
"""Give me your finest meal, money is of no concern."" ~ Me at McDonald's on pay day."
Next Joke
"What do you get if you cross a woman with a whale? Your research funding suspended and a severe reprimand from the ethics committee."
"What's the best part of being a lesbian in 1912? Both got seats on the titanic's lifeboats."
"How many cops does it take to arrest a broken light bulb? Two. One arrests the room for being black. The other arrests the bulb for being broke."
"The police didn't believe me when I told them I found a flying carpet... They called the whole thing fabricated."
"Whenever someone says they hate cats and they're all shitty and snobby about it, I'm like, ""Weird cuz you behave JUST like one."""
"How does Walter Palmer like his eggs? Poached. Thank you, I'm here all week. EDIT: this got no upvotes and I don't think it deserved any"
"Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was *two tired*."
"Today at the grocery store, they only had one piece of cheese . . . . . . it was provolone."
"Two budgies sitting on a perch One says to the other: can you smell fish?"