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Joke of the Day

"HER: Wow you look great. ME: Thanks. I use both my eyes."

"How do you stop an alien invasion? You build a wall."

"What mistake have you made when your wife comes in from the kitchen to yell at you? Made her chain too long."

"Yerr a unit of power Harry! Im a watt?"

"The reason Latin is a dead language is because they kept accidentally summoning demons during regular conversations"

"My girlfriend told me to ""tread lightly."" So when I ran over her, I drove really slow."

"I love how people act like they don't want to be followed in the street yet they keep looking back at you to see if you're still there."

"Amy Schumer's track record for great comedy is at an all time career high right now. Hope it doesn't end in a **Trainwreck**"

"Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again..."

"""Fee Fi Fo Fum"" is the ""HAY HAY GIIRLFRIEEEND"" of giant speak."