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Joke of the Day

"what is the difference between mosquito and prostitute? One sucks free of cost while the other is paid for sucking"

"One cigarette shortens your life by two hours, one bottle of vodka by three hours, and a workday eight hours."

"Feed me pieces of baguette by the park bench like one of your French squirrels."

"All the Kardashian girls sound like they've just been lobotomized and can only remember the words ""I just feel like..."""

"[loudly so dad who's been depressed since mom left can hear] Oh no, my GPS broke! If only I had some good DRIVING DIRECTIONS *dad looks up*"

"Why did the kitchen cross the road? It saw a pikachu across the street."

"I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy."

"Her: Why do you have a copy of 50 Shades of Grey in your bathroom? Perv! Me: Oh. No that's just for when I run out of toilet paper."

"Girl asks a guy... How big he thinks her boobs are, he replies, ""looks like im gonna have to do an inbreastigation!"""

"Am I able to think up of a brand new color... ...or will it just be a pigment of my imagination?"