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Joke of the Day

"i started carrying a knife on me after an attempted mugging three years ago. since then, my mugging attempts have been much more successful."

"What's a mouse's favourite record ? Please cheese me !"

"What is the process for a terrorist kidnapping? Well, first Demascus, then they Baghdad!"

"My girlfriend asked me if I felt like aural. I think that's where it goes in one ear and out the other."

"What smells better than it taste? A nose"

"My wife didn't finish her Morse code lessons before going sailing. She seems to alright though she keeps sending me messages to send her an SMS but I haven't got a reply yet."

"What's the speed limit to sex? 68. Once you go 69 you have to stop and turn around."

"""Excuse me, this coffee tastes like mud."" Waiter- ""Yes sir, it's fresh ground."""

"What's the dirtiest thing ever said at a gay bar? ""Excuse me sir, do you mind if I push in your stool?"""

"My friend really likes to have sex with people. I guess it's the teenage whoremones."