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Joke of the Day

"Sorry I can't make it to lunch today. I forgot to shorten ""people"" to ppl in a text this morning and now I'm totally behind schedule."

"What Happens When You Put 1 Dollar On A Barbeque? Dolla Grills, Yo"

"IF you're NOT Handsome enough........ http://imgur.com/364BbQf"

"What's the difference between Naruto and Bleach? No one ever told me to drink Naruto"

"On Christmas morning I want to eat Eggs Benedict out of a hubcap. Because there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."

"Don't you dare go playing that drum again. There will be repercussions!"

"Me: Who could that be? It's 2:00 in the morning. Her: I don't know. Do burglars knock? Me: It depends on how they were raised..."

"Never trust a stairwell. Every time you turn around, it's a new story!"

"Therapist: Talk about your friends. Me: Now John at the bar is a friend of mine... T: That's a Billy Joel song. Me: You're no fun."

"Dentist says I need to be more aggressive when flossing, so I'm going to start barking."