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Joke of the Day

"How do you say 'Toilet' in Japanese? Dump-ring."

"Policeman: Didn't you hear my siren? Motorist: Sure that's why I sped up."

"[math class] How would you order a Subway footlong in metric countries where they don't have feet? ""By crawling to the counter?"" GET OUT"

"If only we had more money for mosquito nets in Africa... think of all the mosquitoes we could save from dying needlessly of AIDS."

"I like my coffee like I like my women... Hot, dark and bitter."

"Pretty upsetting that gummy worms are actual size but gummy bears are not."

"A Burglar got into the house of a Lawyer the other day... After a terrible struggle, the Lawyer succeeded in robbing him."

"Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels!"

"I started teaching rednecks Spanish Se habla espan ya'll"

"[Coworker] Are you smiling at your stapler? No, just checking for spinach [Laughs nervously]. Oh, good. [Me, to stapler] Sorry baby I had to"