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Joke of the Day

"It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs. They take things literally."

"John Wayne vs. Johnnie Walker What the difference between John Wayne and Johnnie Walker? Johnnie Walker is still killing indians."

"A Faster Than Light Neutrino Knock, knock. Who's there?"

"Eventually you're going to achieve self awareness in a padded cell, staring at your palm, realizing twitter was just all your personalities"

"How do you know when there's a vegetarian at your bbq? They'll tell you."

"Why didn't the Aztec get their hair cut? They didn't like the barbershop Cortez."

"Wile E. Coyote's Amazon reviews of Acme products are pretty scathing."

"""IS ANYONE HERE A DOCTOR?!?"" I screamed on the plane. 3 men shot up. ""Ok, now are any of you single? I need a sugar daddy. I do butt stuff."""

"THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes."

"Co-worker: Did you see that play in the Super Bowl? Worst decision ever. Me: Really? Aren't you married?"