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Joke of the Day

"This is a frightening statistic 25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness! That's scary! It means 75% are running around untreated!"

"A guy walks into a bar. The bartender says, ""Sorry, I forgot to put up the caution tape!"" Edit: fixed spelling"

"What was Hitler's favorite Yu-Gi-Oh card? Blue eyes white aryan"

"ME: My New Year's resolution is to eat less WIFE: Good! ME: (very, very quietly) ...vegetables."

"whenever u hear a creak at night, dont wory its nothimg scary! its just a reminder that somthing u think is solid like a house actualy moves"

"Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse to join search for Malaysia Airlines Flight 370"

"What did the russian say before Putin penetrated his asshole? *russian accent* Put it in Putin!"

"Met the daughter's new boy friend. Grabbed his crotch and whispered 'looking forward to tonight's three way'... And that is that."

"From an Obit: He was always a daredevil His last words were ""Watch this."""

"Texted Mom a question & she didn't answer right away. I'm going to send 4 more texts & 3 voicemails to give her a taste of her own medicine."