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Joke of the Day

"A man calls in to work sick on a Friday His boss asks him, ""Why what's wrong with you?"" He replies, ""its my eyes boss... I just can't see my ass coming in to work today."""

"Being cremated..... ..... is my last hope for a smoking hot body."

"A movie about a surfer vs. a shark but instead of going back into the water & fighting the shark & dying, she finds somewhere else to surf."

"(Stalker Diary) Day 4: Still under her bed. She continues to put the toilet paper roll on upside down. It's like I'm living with a monster."

"What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? wiped."

"A dark sense of humour is like food. Not everyone has it."

"What dinosaur has the best vocabulary? The bronthesaurus."

"this is ur brain *an egg* this is drugs *a frying pan* this is ur brain on drugs *egg & frying pan wearing sunglasses*"

"Im not a lawyer But I do have a small private firm right now."

"Chuck Norris got in touch with his feminine side, and promptly got her pregnant."