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Joke of the Day

"It seems the amount of coffee you drink... increases the amount of times you need to visit the toilet excrementally."

"I planted something on Earth Day... My ass in my recliner for the day!"

"While it may be physically possible to have a baby after 40, forty children are probably enough."

"ANAESTHETIST: Count backwards from 100 ME: 100..99..98 ME: ..3..2..1..um [looks round] now what? ANAESTHETIST [muffled] You have to find me"

"The President gets an Escort..."

"Parties: for those times you're just dying to clean up twice in twelve hours."

"Posted a photo of my clean house on Facebook and it was flagged as fake news."

"What's the most annoying thing about trying to remove the panties off a girl when having sex? The screaming and the fighting"

"What's the difference between a bag of coke and a baby? Eric Clapton would never let a bag of coke fall out of the window."

"I'm honestly convinced some women do not fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama."