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Joke of the Day

"How many psychiatrist does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but it takes a really long time, and the lightbulb has to want to change..."

"*Buys map of world, pins up on wall* *Swears to visit wherever it lands* *Aims dart* Map: I have a boyfriend"

"Having sex is like poker if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand."

"Today I fell asleep for twenty minutes during a thirty minute car ride, which was strange because I was driving."

"My grandfather always used to tell me... you can lead a horse to water, but if you can teach him to fish, you need to lay off the fucking acid."

"""I got expelled"" How? ""I wrote 2+2=41 on the whiteboard"" Ok that's dumb but- ""So my prof told me to go back up there..."" Oh no ""and rub 1 out"""

"Me: *crawls in window* Him: What are you doing?! Me: You're my boyfriend now? Him: I'm calling the cops Me: But you retweeted me??"

"I asked an Indian if he likes custard He said, ""not in general."""

"What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Their last big hit was the wall... :)"

"My inspiration for jokes is like a guy at a brothel... It comes and goes... It also occasionally sucks ;)"