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Joke of the Day

"Why should you never bet on Germany at the Olympics? They have the worst track record for finishing a race."

"If a woman is bad at parking it's because she is constantly lied to about what 8 inches is."

"A doctor gave a man six months to live ... ... The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months."

"Whatever, Twitter makes me a safer driver. Now I stop at every red light, even the lights that I think may change in the next minute or two."

"I have the heart of a lion. And a lifetime ban from the Baltimore Zoo."

"What did the sea say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved."

"Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake."

"Kanye walks into a museum in Finland. ""Imma let you Finnish,"" he snickers. The entire tour laughs. They're all Kanye, too. And so are you."

"What did the pirate say when he turned 80 Aye matey."

"If a girl texts you back ""k"" check all your previous messages to see where you fu*ked up."