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Joke of the Day

"BAE: come over ME: we live together im sitting right here BAE: my parents arent home ME: what is wrong with you"

"Why cant Skrillex go fishing? ...because he always drops the bass."

"If seagulls fly over the sea, what flies over the bay? Your mom."

"I can't come into work today *cough* I'm really sick. ""Do I hear Mario Kart in the background?"" *hangs up*"

"I'm no scientist, but if that ebola virus is communicable, that means WE CAN TALK TO IT."

"Irony Is getting pregnant on a pull out couch"

"Do you like the internet? Cause I can put you on there if you come back to my place."

"Mom: you failed your english test, didn't you? Me: who telled you?"

"Sorry I yelled ""GET A ROOM!"" at your grandson's wrestling tournament."

"Two antennas met on a roof... they fell in love, and decided to get married. The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was excellent."