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Joke of the Day

"DOG: [running in circles trying to catch his own tail] SON OF A DOG'S PREGNANT WIFE: *looks up from knitting* Son of a what, David? Say it"

"How do you catch a rabbit? Sit in a field and make carrot noises."

"Did you hear about the broken watch from the 1800's? It was a timeless classic."

"Why is 6 afraid of 7? because 7 is a registered 6 offender"

"Happiness won't just walk into your life on its own. But neither will unhappiness. So if you don't want trouble in your life... then you'd best stay still and never move a muscle."

"I saw this guy in Walmart... ...who was bashing his head on the border between aisles 9 and 10. He said ""Go away muggle, I'm trying to get into aisle 9 3/4!"""

"Did you know the world's first sniper was Mexican? He even inspired the Sniper motto. Juan shot, Juan kill."

"How do you tell if someone has an std? Oh shit wrong sub-reddit."

"It's ironic that Pistorius will wake up this morning and there really will be a burglar using his toilet."

"Here's a USPS joke. Nevermind, it was lost in transit."